Simply my life..: March 2006

Simply my life..

A blog which will be my soul mate.. Sharing my happiness, sadness & everything..

Monday, March 27, 2006

So tired of living.. Wish i weren't in tis family..

So sad today.. Nt day, i mean nite.. Was told tat my dad wanted to cal up my aunt y did i go to work so early & return hm late.......

Obviously, till now, he still dun trust me.. I have to start work before 9.. Is it too early to go out at 815? And sumtimes i finish class at 6 plus, so i will reach hm at 7 plus. Is tat too late?'

I'm reali getting tired and upset.. I've shed much tears cos dad doesn't trust me and feel that I'm going elsewhere, etc since secondary sch days.. Even if i reali did tat, i m already so big. Can't i haf my freedom? If he's so upset that i haf to go out so early, then he should earn more money or at least find a job instead of staying at hm most of the time. HE tinks that i love waking up at 730. Given a chance, i rather slp till aft or best stil dun wake up at all.

Sumtimes i wonder y am i in such a family..

Dad is so suspicious and penniless.. And yet he's so fussy abt job.. he wans a job tat pays more. but he's already quite old.. feel that he shld jus get a job wif say pays 1000 until he gets a better offer. at least tat 1000 wil lighten mum's load..

Mum is alright but she plays majhong everyday.. she didn't spend time wif us or at least stay at hm for 1 day once a week to rest.. Sometimes i didnt even c her for one week plus..

Bro- Got no comment. I know he dote on me and my sis but doesn't show it. ANd hopefuli, he reali turn over a new leaf and don't create any more trouble.

Sis- Sumtimes I jus can't stannd her.. She always claim tat she's stress by teachers in sch and at hm, i stil keep forcing her. But, isit too much to ask for since she's watching tv for one hr and she oni starts doing her work at 8? Wasn't i stress wen i was in secondary school days? I was even worse cos of dad.

After crying jus nw, i felt better. but i can't go on like tis.. if tis continues, i m afraid i wun be able to take it anymore..

haiz... i jus hope tml wil be a better day..

- posted by LinGal @ 12:31 AM (0) comments

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Was i wrong?

Had a huge quarrel wif my sis earlier on. We ended up crying.. But i didn't sob out loud like her.. Tears rolled down my cheeks after that..

This was what happened..

My sis was lazing ard despite me asking her to bathe.. Finali, when my maid asked her nicely to bathe, she was pissed off and commented that we are very irritating. HELLLLLLLOOOOOOOOO, it's already 8 plus and she heaven done her homework or bathe. ANd she wants to watch the 9 o clock show.

I told her off and she argued that we are forcing her too much. She went to the toilet and she kind of vented her anger on the toilet seat. I shouted:"If you're nt hapi, don't bathe!"She was so rude to haf replied"Shut up la"

I controlled my anger and went to take a shower. While I was in the toilet, I heard her slamming the door to show her displeasure. I was further annoyed when my maid told me that my sis asked her to get out of the room.

I opened up the room door and straightaway asked her what's her problem. My sis kind of me gave me the attitude prob and didn't even look at me. I pulled her earphone away and shouted at her.

"Can you all don't force me to study always? In school all the fucking teachers are like that. At home, you are also pushing me. U know how stress am I or not?" was her reaction and she burst into tears.

"I'm not forcing you but you have to be automatic. It's like 8 plus and u gona watch tv at 9. I'm jus asking you to put in 45 min of hardwork before you eatch tv. Is that too much to ask for?" I barked.

"Can't I just rest for a while?"

"Rest for a while? You came home at 2 plus. I already let u rest till 8. Not enuf rest?"

"I'm not like you- having a one month holiday and you can enjoy. You can play with your computer all day. But I can't."

"During the hols you did enjoy urself also. You played and watch tv all day long."

My dog was frightened by the commotion and ran to my maid. My maid then say "Ok la, jie>"

I went out of the room but while I was walking out, my sis told my maid to close the door cos she doesn't wana see my face. WDF!! She was damn idiot. I went back to the room and continued shouting at her, claiming that if she finds sch so tough then quit. She claimed that I wldn't understand. C'mon. I was once a secondary sch student and I've been thru it. Hw can I dun understand the stress? Once again, she broke down and said you want to force me till I die right?

"I'm nt askin u to study till u die."

"Last time bro didn't force you to study. Why must you do that to me now?"

"You are my sis. I care anbt u. I dun wan u to flunk your exams and get scolding frm mum or dad."

"Enuf la jie," my maid stopped us again.

I left the room and went to the living room. WHile holding the papers in my hands, tears rolled down my cheeks..

Was I wrong in asking her to put in some effort before she watches tv? After alll, she had abt 5 hrs to rest before that..

- posted by LinGal @ 2:36 AM (0) comments

Monday, March 20, 2006

Poor mum..

Mum wannted to borrow some money to tide her for a few days.. But, dad already borrowed some frm me and i haf nt much left.. And dad told me to lie to her so that he can find the money ytd (sun)...

While at work, I was tinking abt tis and was wondering where to go aft tat as i tot i wld finish early.. little did i expect to finish at 6 plus. I even tot of an excuse to tell mum shld dad reali cant gif it back to me.. That is to tel her i bank in the cheque and i can oni withdrawl 2 days ltr.. I was so afraid to go hm, fearing tat my dad wasn't ard.. I callled my sis bt she didnt pick the phome up. Terrified, I walked hm frm the mrt station. tryin to calm myself down..

true enuf, wen i gt hm, dad said he cant return me the money. but the lucky thing was mum wasn't hm. Dad told me to lie to mum aagain and drag til next week. but, i told dad tat mum seriously need the money.. She was desperate.. Or she wldn;t cum to me.. So, I told dad of my plan and he wld try his best to find the money so that mum can use it..

When mum came hm, i told her abt the cheque.. Damn me.. Lie to her again.. But if i told her the truth, nt only she wld quarrel wif dad, she mite get angry wif me too. Sorry mum.. I didnt mean it.. I really meant to help u.. I somehw knew u were crying tat day bcos u were so desperate.. U kept rubbing ur eyes.. though i can't c ur tears rolling down, i truly felt that u were crying. But u didnt wan me to noe.. My poor mum.. Hw i wish i cud share the burden wif u.. U r the world's greatest mother whu made so many sacrifices..

- posted by LinGal @ 1:22 AM (0) comments

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Hmmmmm..

Went downtown east today for a bbq organised by my aunt.. Say some of my ex students there.. Was happy that they missed me and urged me to go back to MP.. Hahaha.. Though they are a bit disobedient and rude at times, I am still glad..

However, I gt kind of nth to do there. Lucky my sis was wif me so I can crap with her and the students.. Lol.. We saw the wild wild wet and we were both attracted to it.. So we made a pact to go there one day.. Left early only to find oursleves hungry and decide to go for a bite before coming hm..

When I reached tamp int, the queue for the bus was so long that I had to wait for another bus and I couldn't find a seat for 3/4 of my journey.. That was actually better than when I was going to downtown frm tamp int as the bus driver give me the impression that he has AP.. On top of that, the bus was those old type and the air con was not working very well.. It was like so stuffy.. My sis even said that it was a "ghost bus"..

Nevertheless, I still find it quite an enjoyable outing.. Hope that that one day of going wild wild wet will be here soon.. c")

- posted by LinGal @ 1:20 AM (0) comments

Sunday, March 12, 2006

-.-"

Saw that student of mine ytd.. Actuali, I didnt expect him to come.. Serious.. After the atrocious result he got.. His lesson was supposed to be at 10 (at least that was what i tot bcos he normali comes at that time). The time past by and still, there's no sight of him. Just then, at 10.15, I received a msg frm my aunt..

2 of my other students who were brothers won't be coming anymore... Though they left for another reason, I was like, huh, what's happening? Feel that it's my fualt that all these happened..

If nt for me, he wouln't have failed badly..

If nt for me, they wouln't have left..

All of a sudden, out of 5 students who I doted on most as they were hafing fun wif me most of the time on sunday, 3 had left..

I tried to pick myself up as I had a student at 11.. Unfortunately, at the start, I was like dreaming away while he was doing his work.. But, I still managed to check his answers somehow for a few questions though I wasn't reali in the mood. Things got better later..

At 11.45, my uncle then spoke to me and said that it wasn't my fault that that student failed so badly and that the two left.. I was like haiz, hw can that nt be my fault.. I know he's trying to make me feel better.. Bt precisely bcos i noe he's consoling me, so i felt bad..

I continued class after that.. After I finished with that 11 o clock boy, I switch off the air con and even closed the door of the class. While I was packing some stuff, the boy whu failed came to the office to look for me. I was stunned when I saw him.. And when I saw his mum, I was so ashamned and kinda afraid.. His mum was saying he did badly for most of his subjects and showed me his papers, telling me not to let him(the student) take his own sweet time to do his work and so on..

Luckily, my uncle came along and I showed him the papers.. He asked me to then take the student to class and he stayed on to spoke to the mother.. Phew.. Lucky me..

During the class I had with him, I was both happy and unhappy.. Happy that he came and unhappy that he was nt cooperative with me.. So, I had to raise my voice. But, he still dun reali wana do alot, so I let him be at times asI also know that the work I gave him was a bit tough.

I duno what's in for me next..

I noe that my drawing is bad.. Hehe.. :)

- posted by LinGal @ 7:02 PM (0) comments

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Oh Dear..

Haiz.. It was such a terrible day ytd.. I was sick and was coughing so badly =(.. And I received news that one of my students failed terribly in his exam.. out of 50 marks, he only got slightly more than 1 digit.. Hw could tat be? And it was English.. Not Maths or other subjects that you really have to grab the concepts well. Sigh.. I'm kind of embarrased to meet his parents. I felt so bad.. Instead of helping him, I feel that I'm doing more harm to him.. Haizs.. reali dun feel like working there anymore..

- posted by LinGal @ 3:27 AM (0) comments